My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
