So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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