you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
