I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
