Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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