I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
