So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
