he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize