So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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