for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
