I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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