At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
