ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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