I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
