So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
