if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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