3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
