Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
