her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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