If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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