I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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