I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Randomize
