Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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