i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
