While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Randomize
