Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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