Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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