He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
