Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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