it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
