Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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