I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
tell me about the fingering
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
