Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
