I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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