Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
