I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
