Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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