Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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