after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
