I'll bet she douches with gravy.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
