I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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