Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
