I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
