Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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