I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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