When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
