I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
