Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
