Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry spudman hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(630): View more from Illinois

But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino

Fav 8 953 3280
share tweet
(636): View more from Missouri

Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.

Fav 10 4734 747
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(314): View more from Missouri

You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.

Fav 42 1163 8573
share tweet
(503): View more from Oregon

My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers

Fav 25 4659 1943
share tweet
(563): View more from Iowa

I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?

Fav 24 3690 3890
share tweet
(414): View more from Wisconsin

Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.

Fav 4 3255 1113
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(202): View more from Washington, DC

Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.

Fav 6 1316 3061
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(612): View more from Minnesota

I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.

Fav 0 899 468
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(707): View more from California

I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.

Fav 1 26 38
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT