He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
