I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
