You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
